Not everyone is open to the idea of seeking professional mental health help. Some people may feel ashamed, scared, or resistant to therapy for various reasons. How to convince someone to go to therapy without making them feel attacked or pressured?
In this blog post, we will share some helpful tips on encouraging someone to seek therapy from a licensed mental health counselor in a supportive way. We will also discuss some common challenges and pitfalls to avoid during this conversation. We aim to help you support your loved one and respect their decision while caring for your mental health.
Why may people refuse therapy?
Before you approach your family member, friend, or loved one about therapy, it’s important to understand some of the challenges that may arise. Here are some of the common reasons why people may refuse therapy or avoid talking to therapists about it:
- Stigma: They may feel ashamed or afraid of seeking help for mental health issues.
- Denial: They may not admit or realize they have a problem needing professional help.
- Fear: They may fear what therapy will involve or reveal about them.
- Cost: They may not have the money, time, or access to therapy.
- Resistance: They may not want therapy, even if they know they have a problem.
These challenges can make it hard to convince someone to seek professional mental health treatment and support. Still, you can overcome them by understanding and empathizing with your loved one; they are not insurmountable. By understanding where your loved one is coming from and addressing their concerns with empathy, concern, and respect, you can increase the chances of them being receptive to your idea or suggestion.
Understanding and empathizing with their resistance to therapy
The first step in talking to or encouraging someone to seek professional mental health support is understanding and empathizing with their resistance. This means listening to their perspective and validating their feelings without judging or criticizing them. Here are some tips on how to do this:
Ask open-ended questions: Instead of telling your loved one what they should do or how they should feel, ask them questions that invite them to share their thoughts and feelings. For example, you can ask: “How are you feeling lately?”, “What are some of the things that are bothering you?”, “How do you cope with stress?”, “What are some of the goals that you have for yourself?”, “What are some of the barriers that prevent you from achieving them?”
Reflect on what you hear: Show them you are listening and understanding by paraphrasing what they say and checking for accuracy. For example, you can say: “So what I hear you saying is that you feel overwhelmed by your work and family responsibilities, and you don’t have time for yourself.”, “Is that right?” This can help clarify any misunderstandings and show your interest and attention.
Express empathy: Empathy is the ability to put yourself in someone else’s shoes and feel what they feel. It is different from sympathy, which is feeling sorry for someone else. Empathy shows your loved one that you care about them and respect their feelings, even if you don’t agree with them. For example, you can say: “I can see that this is hard for you.”, “I’m sorry that you’re going through this.”, “I appreciate your honesty.”, “I’m here for you.”
Avoid giving advice: Unless your loved one asks for your experience or advice, avoid telling them what they should do or how to solve their problems. Giving advice can make them feel like you are not listening or understanding them or that you think they are incapable of making their own decisions. It can also make them defensive or resistant to your suggestions. Instead of giving advice, focus on asking questions, reflecting on what you hear, expressing empathy, and offering support.
By understanding and empathizing with your loved one’s past resistance to therapy, you can build a relationship of trust and rapport with them. This process can help them feel more comfortable and willing to talk about their problems and consider the benefits of help.
Starting a conversation about therapy: What to say and what to avoid
Once you have established a connection with your loved one and shown them that you care and understand them, you can start a conversation about therapy. This conversation can be a delicate topic, so choosing your words carefully and avoiding common pitfalls is important. Here are some dos and don’ts when talking to loved ones about therapy:
- Do explain how therapy could help them with specific problems. For example: “Therapy could help you manage your anxiety better.”
- Don’t assume how they feel or what they have. For example: “You must be depressed.”
- Do share your own positive experience with therapy (if you have any). For example: “I went to therapy, which helped me cope with my emotions.”
- Don’t compare their situation with others. For example: “Other people have it worse than you.”
- To provide information and resources about therapy if they are interested. For example: “I can help you find a therapist in the area.”
- Don’t pressure them into going to therapy. For example: “You have to go to therapy or else.”
How to offer support and resources without being pushy or judgmental
If your loved one agrees to consider therapy or shows some interest in it, you can offer them support and resources to help them take the next necessary steps together. However, you should be aware and careful not to be pushy or judgmental. Here are some helpful tips on how to offer personal support and resources or suggest therapy without being pushy or judgmental:
Respect their pace: Don’t expect your loved one to go to therapy immediately or make a quick decision. They may need time to think about it, research, or overcome their fears. Respect their pace and don’t rush or pressure them into making an appointment. Let them know that you are there for them whenever they are ready.
Provide options: Don’t tell your loved one which therapist they should see or what therapy they should try. Instead, provide them with options and let them choose what works best for them. You can help them find a therapist by looking online, asking for referrals, or checking their insurance coverage. You can also explain the different types of therapy and how they work, such as individual therapy, couples therapy, group therapy, online therapy, etc. However, don’t overwhelm them with too much information or make them feel they have to choose immediately.
Offer practical help: Going to therapy can be challenging for some people, especially if they have to deal with practical barriers such as cost, transportation, time, or childcare. You can offer practical help by offering to pay for some sessions, drive them to the therapist’s office, babysit their kids, or adjust your schedule to accommodate theirs. However, please don’t make them feel they owe you anything or that you are doing them a favor. Make it clear that you offer help because you care about them and want them to succeed.
Encourage but don’t nag: It’s normal to want to check in with your loved one and see how they are doing with therapy. However, don’t nag them or bombard them with questions whenever you see them. This can make them annoyed or defensive and may discourage them from continuing therapy. Instead, encourage them by expressing your support and interest in their progress. For example, you can say: “I’m proud of you for going to therapy,” “How was your session today?”, “What did you learn from your therapist?”, “How are you feeling after therapy?”
Celebrate their achievements: Going to therapy is not easy; it takes courage and commitment. Your loved one may face challenges and setbacks along the way, but they may also experience positive changes and improvements. Celebrate their achievements by acknowledging their efforts and praising their results. For example, you can say: “You seem more relaxed and happy lately,” “You handled that situation very well”, “You’ve made a lot of progress”, and “You’re doing great.”
By offering support and resources without being pushy or judgmental, you, the person, can help the person or your loved one feel more confident and motivated to seek therapy and stick with it.
How to respect their decision and keep the relationship healthy
The last step in encouraging someone else to seek professional help for a mental health condition is to respect their decision and keep the relationship healthy. This means accepting their choice, whether they go to therapy or not, and maintaining a positive and supportive connection with them. Here are some tips on how to do this:
Don’t take it personally: If your loved one doesn’t go to therapy or stops going, don’t blame yourself or try to change their mind. They have their reasons, and you should respect them.
Don’t give up on them: If your loved one doesn’t go to therapy or stops going, don’t lose hope or stop supporting them. They may change their mind later or find other ways to cope. Let them know that you care and that therapy is always an option.
Don’t make it all about therapy: If your loved one goes to therapy or keeps going, don’t focus only on that when you talk to them or spend time with them. Therapy is not their whole life; they may not want to share everything. Be interested in the other aspects of their life as well.
Take care of yourself: Supporting someone struggling with mental illness can be hard for you too. You may have your own emotions and needs that you should not ignore. Take care of yourself by having your support, doing things that make you happy, and setting healthy boundaries.
Conclusion
Seeking therapy for mental health can be difficult for many people, especially if they face stigma, fear, or resistance to getting professional help for emotional distress. Remember that seeking therapy for mental health is a personal choice for most people, and everyone has their own pace and preferences. Don’t force your loved one into doing something they don’t want to do or are not ready for. Instead, show them that you care about them, listen to them, and let them know that therapy is always an option if they want it.
