What is inner child work? A guide to healing your inner child

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Do you ever tune into that quiet voice inside you, the one that brings forth echoes of your younger self? Regardless of our age, we hold within us remnants of our past selves. Maybe your wounded five-year-old self reappears when a good friend neglects your call, or your misunderstood fifteen-year-old self re-emerges when a coworker dismisses your perspective. Caring for this past version of ourselves is the essence of inner child work.

A person meditating in a scenic forest

Understanding inner child work

Also known as inner child healing, inner child work is a method of addressing unmet childhood needs and healing the attachment wounds we’ve suffered. As clinical psychologist Trish Phillips, Psy.D., explains, we all harbor a younger self that was “never quite loved in the way they needed as a child.”

“Inner child work, like any introspective exercise, involves creating a space for your subconscious to guide the process,” Phillips elaborates. This introspection involves delving into our true feelings and elements of ourselves that may have been dismissed or labeled as “too much” or “inappropriate” by others. By dedicating time to self-exploration, we peel back our everyday coping mechanisms, such as avoidance or emotional numbing, and promote acceptance and integration of our subconscious into consciousness.

Why is inner child work important?

The concept of the inner child was introduced by the acclaimed psychologist Carl Jung. Our inner child can influence our emotions in daily life, particularly when we aren’t consciously aware of it. Your inner child embodies who you were during significant periods of your life – an integral part of you that may have been forgotten over time.

However, your relationship with your inner child differs from relationships with others who may have drifted from your life. Neglecting conscious awareness of your inner child equates to losing touch with a part of your identity, leading to emotional dysregulation and the potential to act regressed when distressed. You may have an angry outburst reminiscent of a child’s tantrum or feeling isolated and guilty as you did in childhood. Under stress, you might switch moods abruptly, much like a child dealing with a disturbing situation.

Nurturing your inner child can significantly influence your emotional well-being and healing process.

How your childhood wounds affect your adult life

An inner child wound refers to a traumatic experience or series of experiences endured during childhood. Such experiences can lead to unresolved trauma manifesting in adulthood. If you find yourself behaving unusually or grappling with uncontrollable emotions, you may be reacting from a wounded younger part of yourself.

When your inner child is triggered, you may exhibit behavior that seems out of character. These triggers, also known as trigger events, are typically ordinary disruptions in everyday life. For instance, running late for work might lead you to fear excessive consequences such as public humiliation, reprimand, or job loss, despite a record of punctuality and excellent performance.

Some common triggers for the inner child are:

  • Feeling rejected or abandoned
  • Feeling criticized or judged
  • Feeling powerless or helpless
  • Feeling threatened or unsafe
  • Feeling misunderstood or ignored
  • Feeling guilt or shame
  • Feeling lonely or isolated

These triggers can activate the memories and emotions of our childhood trauma, defined as any event or situation that overwhelms a child’s ability to cope and causes lasting negative effects on their well-being. Childhood trauma can include Physical abuse, sexual abuse, emotional abuse, verbal abuse, neglect, bullying, witnessing violence, losing a loved one, or having an unstable home environment.

Childhood trauma can affect our adult life in many ways, such as:

  • Low self-esteem and self-worth
  • Difficulty trusting others and forming healthy relationships
  • Struggle to set boundaries and express needs
  • Difficulty coping
  • Experiencing anxiety, depression, or other mental health issues
  • Suffering from chronic pain, illness, or other physical health problems
  • Engaging in addictive or compulsive behaviors

The meaning and purpose of inner child work

Inner child work is not about blaming our parents or caregivers for what happened to us as children. It is also not about denying our adult responsibilities or living in the past. Rather, it is about acknowledging and validating our childhood experiences and how they shaped us into who we are today. It is about reclaiming the joy and freedom that we may have lost along the way. It is about healing our wounds and becoming whole again.

The purpose of inner child work is to:

  • Connect with our inner child and listen to what they have to say
  • Understand how our inner child feels and what they need
  • Comfort and soothe our inner child when they are hurt or scared
  • Support and encourage our inner child when they are curious or excited
  • Celebrate and appreciate our inner child for who they are
  • Integrate our inner child with our adult self

By doing so, we can:

  • Increase our self-awareness and self-compassion
  • Improve our emotional and mental health
  • Enhance our relationships with ourselves and others
  • Develop new coping skills and resilience
  • Live a more authentic and fulfilling life
Children playing with toys

7 Signs you need to heal your inner child

How do you know if you need to heal your inner child? Here are some signs that indicate that your inner child may be wounded :

  1. You struggle with self-esteem issues. You often feel insecure, inadequate, or unworthy. You have difficulty accepting yourself as you are. You compare yourself to others and feel inferior. You seek validation from external sources.
  2. You have trouble trusting others. You fear being rejected, abandoned, or betrayed. You have difficulty forming intimate relationships. You either avoid getting close to anyone or cling too tightly to them. You often feel lonely or isolated.
  3. You have difficulty expressing your emotions. You either suppress your emotions or act them out impulsively. You have trouble identifying what you feel and why. You often feel overwhelmed by your emotions. You avoid situations that trigger strong emotions.
  4. You have difficulty setting boundaries. You either let others take advantage of you or push them away. You have trouble saying no or asking for what you want. You often feel guilty or resentful. You neglect your own needs.
  5. You have poor emotional and mental health. This can manifest in various ways that affect your mood, motivation, relationships, sleep, weight, work, and anxiety levels. You may feel depressed or unmotivated most of the time. You may avoid dealing with your issues by isolating yourself or distracting yourself with friends or other activities. You may have problems with intimacy or sexuality with your partner. You may have trouble sleeping or maintaining a healthy weight. You may lose focus or productivity at work. You may experience increased anxiety in different areas of your life.
  6. You have destructive coping behaviors. This can look like coping through too much alcohol, shopping, cheating, gambling, food, and even chronic procrastination.
  7. You feel highly reactive. You can notice when your wounded inner child appears in your daily lives when you find yourself highly reactive to situations, suddenly feeling very detached or irritated.

How to find a therapist specializing in inner child work

If you are interested in inner child work, you may benefit from finding a therapist specializing in this approach. A therapist can provide a safe and supportive space to explore your inner child and heal your childhood wounds. A therapist can also guide you through various techniques and exercises tailored to your needs and goals.

Different types of therapy incorporate inner child work, such as:

Trauma-informed therapy: This type of therapy recognizes the impact of trauma on a person’s well-being and helps them cope with its effects. Trauma-informed therapy may use methods such as eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR), cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), or somatic experiencing (SE) to help a person process their trauma and heal their inner child.

Shadow work: This type of therapy helps a person uncover and integrate the parts of themselves that they have repressed or denied. Shadow work may use methods such as Jungian analysis, dream work, or expressive arts to help people access their subconscious mind and embrace their inner child.

Internal family systems (IFS): This type of therapy helps a person understand and harmonize the different parts of their personality. IFS views each part as having a positive intention and a role in protecting the person from pain. IFS helps people identify their core self, which is the compassionate leader of their internal family, and their exiled parts, which are the wounded aspects of their inner child. IFS helps a person heal their exiled parts by listening to them, understanding them, and unburdening them from their pain.

Art therapy: This is a type of therapy that uses various forms of art, such as drawing, painting, collage, clay, etc., to help a person express themselves creatively. Art therapy can help people access their inner child by allowing them to play, explore, and experiment with different materials. Art therapy can also help people communicate their feelings, thoughts, and experiences that may be difficult to put into words.

To find a therapist who specializes in inner child work, you can:

  • Ask for a referral from your primary care provider, family member, friend, or someone you trust
  • Search online directories or websites that list therapists by specialty, location, insurance, etc., such as Psychology Today or GoodTherapy
  • Contact your insurance company or employee assistance program (EAP) for recommendations
  • Call or email potential therapists and ask them about their qualifications, experience, approach, fees, availability, etc.
  • Schedule an initial consultation with one or more therapists and see how you feel with them

Finding the right therapist for you may take time and effort, but it is worth it. A good therapist can help heal your inner child and transform your life.

Conclusion

Inner child work is a powerful way to heal from your childhood wounds and reclaim your joy and freedom. By connecting with your inner child, you can understand yourself better, improve your emotional health, enhance your relationships, develop new skills, and live more authentically. You can do inner child work on your own or with the help of a therapist specializing in this approach. Inner child work is not easy, but it is rewarding. It can help you become the person you were meant to be.

Van Anh
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